How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

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Jancee Dunn, a Parents contributor, tackles the issue with brutal honesty and a healthy dose of humor. She said, “And sometimes you have to laugh because the paraphrasing is wildly off—‘You’re angry because I stepped around you while you were emptying the dishwasher’—‘ No, I’m angry because you stood there jingling your keys and saying let’s go instead of offering to help. When I was fuming at my husband, I would get tunnel vision and only see the annoying things he did, which led to what is known in cognitive science as confirmation bias — the tendency to only pay attention to things that confirm your existing beliefs. And trust me, there won’t be any ‘Set a date night’ bullsh*t in here, because the reality is, if you’re fighting with him, you’d rather do it at home. She suggests that instead of maintaining these rigid roles (like how to dress our son for school, what goes into his lunch.

I stumbled across a recent SELF article which put numbers to this issue in a way I felt hit home: a 2015 study that looked at 182 heterosexual first-time parent partnerships found that women picked up an average of 37 hours of childcare and household-related work each week. The idea of doing the exact thing that put me in this situation in the first place, coupled with the fresh memory of painful sex somewhere in the second and third trimester, was the biggest turn-off. I felt like I was handling the majority of the home chores and the baby, although I don’t know why I was surprised.The cost of your new baby’s diapers alone is panic inducing, so it’s crucial for new parents to communicate and understand each other’s perspective.

But with time, sleep and some improved communication about each other’s needs, we fell into a more balanced groove, adapting to our new roles as cleanup crew (me) and line cook (him) for our son, now a curly-haired tornado of a toddler. This book can help preserve the greatest gift you will ever give your baby: a loving relationship between the baby's parents. I’m Onyi, a 30 something Nigerian American sharing how I juggle life as a special needs mom balancing family travel, my love for interior design all while practicing medicine as a Physician Assistant.Readers familiar with Dunn's honest and humorous writing will appreciate the behind-the-scenes look at her own semi-messy family life, and those who need guidance through the rough spots can glean advice while being entertained. I discovered all kinds of ways that Tom showed he cared about me — to the point where it became my new confirmation bias. I draw on my own personal experiences to create a space that is warm, empathetic, validating and constructive. But as a mental health therapist for moms and someone with that much-needed perspective, I know better now.

It begins to chip away at your connection, your joy, and what you hoped this season of your life would feel like. In addition to working together to help clients cope with the challenges that motherhood brings, I provide mothers with the much needed support, compassion, and empathy they deserve. Finally, we learned to repair the rift by asking questions like, “What can I do right now to make this better? offers readers a hilarious and scientific look at how men and women differ in both their workloads and feelings about child care and home chores. We could have saved a lot of bickering with a formula we hit upon years later: One of us sleeps in Saturday, the other Sunday.Nobody likes being told what to do: She explains that when wives try to tell their husbands what to do, it can lead to resentment and defensiveness, which can harm the relationship. Due to societal pressures, mothering and keeping house are, like it or not, still more central to women’s identities overall than men’s.

As they discover, adding a demanding new person to your relationship means you have to reevaluate — and rebuild — your marriage. Self-Care: Jancee argues it’s vital for moms to let go of these feelings of guilt and recognize that taking care of oneself is not selfish but rather an essential component of being able to care for others. I would randomly pull it out during fights about who does what, letting him know that, in fact, I was the more tired one— I worked harder!I harboured that fury, holding onto it like a precious stone and then wielding it like a weapon, whipping it out during arguments, at a speed few baseball pitchers could rival. While it’s perfectly normal to feel anger from time to time (you’re human after all), long-standing resentment and steady dissatisfaction in your relationship has serious costs. Despite that discouraging statistic, Dunn doesn't fall into a mode of "I told you so," but rather takes the high road, illustrating how male and female brains file neatly into evolutionary patterns. This idea purports that the joy and excitement you feel from one activity may amplify the stimulation and connection you feel in the bedroom. If despite your best efforts, you continue to have symptoms of rage, anger, and irritability, make sure to reach out to your PCP or Mental Health provider to rule out underlying diagnoses such as postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety or postpartum rage.